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Journal of the Demon

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Journal of the Demon

Post by BloodSucking YamiMarik on Mon Sep 16, 2013 10:52 pm

Just found out i have syndrome.. i never knew my life would end up like this. Polycystic Ovary Syndrome... WTF?! My body is shuting down on me and this is not what i wanted. I blame this human for giving me more shit in my life :'( please someone help me..

Well here I got. I been feeling down a lot, I keep saying I'm not worth it, pulling myself Down, feeling worthless, wanting to give up, breaking down all the time and wanting to be alone. I hate this so much and I don't deserve anything. Wanting to sleep my life away and rot in hell. I NEED MY MEDS!! -facedesking violently-

Havent posted here in forever. Well i been insulted today.. it wasnt fun. I been called blind. Its not my fault that my eyes are different. >_< been sick lately with a cold and soar throat for a week or so. Had better days but eh.

I hope my dream or wish comes true one day. I want to start a new life and forget my past of pain, hurting, loneliness and hatred. Being with a better family that will be by my side and I'll be by theirs. I shall stay strong and hope for the best.

I lost everything.. Lost my closest friend, my courage, strength and many others. I feel hopeless and shattered to pieces. I tried showing my loyallty, honesty, proving I'm trust worthy and so on but it's not good enough. I've failed all of you and tried my hardest. I'm probably a failure in your eyes and not worthy for it. Sorry everyone...

I have more problems. Here are my reasons I wanna leave

1) having the oldest brother beig annoying and trying to piss me off that I growl at him

2) having a sister who has anger management, yelling 24/7 and spy's on me at times

3) my second older brother harassing me, invading my privacy and sexual harass me

4) having a mother who yells a lot worse than usually, my dad told her if she keeps that up we might hate her and which I do

5) hearing parents fight all the time

And I'm close to my dad. It's not as bad now but at times it is. It drives me over the edge and wanting to be alone

I'm worried about tomorrow since my brother is taking me driving. I have my reasons but I'm afraid he might harass me while I'm driving and Make me feel like I'm a bad person. I'm going to grab a chainsaw and go on a killing spree. When you want something you have to earn it not beg like crazy. I had to learn the hard way. I have patience but proving myself to everyone.

Lots of confessions.. I have a huge confession. If my brother harasse me one more time I will pack my stuff and walk out of my house. I will leave that place forever. I don't deal with pathetic digesting humans. No wonder why I'm being tortured!! It's all humans, taunting me and driving me mad. Grrrrrr

I recommend not being an attention whore. People will hate you or not speak to you if you act like that. I'm seeing a lot of them around. If your loyal to your family and act like an adult that's good. If not then why are you one? Grow some balls and act like an adult.

I'm regretting big time.. Loosing my pride... Gaining sadness.. I wanna curl up in my bed and stay there. I should have followed my heart and not someone who said things about a person. I.... Deserve this pain for my actions. I don't deserve certain things even friendship..

I been accused of having a certain Marik on my friends list by someone. I went and checked and never had the person on my list. I'm pissed and angry right now. Being called a back stabber.. I'm not one so STFU! I'm done!! I'm so done with people now. Go ahead and remove me from Facebook IDC!!

Well my new account is gone for good. Disable as we know. My old main might be next. It was a pleasure being with you guys again but idk when my account will be disabled. I've tried my best the second time. I brought my back up back so you know. It was fun while it lasted.

IM FUCKING DONE WITH PEOPLE!! GAHHHH! I wanna rip my hair out. You make me wish I never met you. This person is an attention seeker. I'm done with my bloody slave. Why don't the angel of darkness take my soul. Huh?! Now I don't give a flying fuck

I'm getting sick from more stress. I don't like the stress I been given. Relaxing and watching yugioh or parodies should help. I have been inspired by our king the other day. His words warmth my heart. I'm very happy about it and I will continue on practicing. I'll finally have my dream come true <3!

I'm the type of person who is afraid of hurting people. I know I've hurted someone and I'm regretting it. For now on I'm watching on what I do and say so I don't hurt anyone else. I hope that i can fix the damage before things get worse. We have the Bestest king in the world. I mean come on he is badass. KING MEL is amazing! I'm glad he is the king of this realm.

I think i have depression but im trying to fight it off. I put a fake smile at times so people done have to worry so much. Doing journals and song parodies help me stay calm. I wish to be stronger and have the courage to get up back on my feet. Bejng a siter is fun but i get afraid to ask questions.

I'm lost and confused today. I have a crush on someone but I don't wanna ruin a friendship. Et week him and I. Oh well I'll keep it to myself. I'm jealous on everyone's edits cause my computer is like dead and can't recover files anymore. It's like what's the point getting on a computer when it's dead. It's no use now. I only have is my kindle fire and iPod left. I know my edits suck but there is nothing I can do. I'm a failure

I'm very mad at my own mother.. Her anger is over the roof. It was never this until now. It drives all of us mad and even hating her. It's getting me sick hearing this 24/7 of our lives. I'm so close of running away cause I can't handle it. I hate being treated like shit by my own mother. Thanks for hurting us mom >(

I feel like breaking down.. losing everythingand everyone.. i hate it.. i know people are trying there best to come back. My stress is off the charts. Im tempted to just stay off until further notice. I need help badly and my sickness isnt going away. I really like someone but he been through a lot as it is. I hope you guys are doing better than me. Stay strong and hope to see you soon.

OMG!!! I'm being tormented cause I'm a siter. Let I'm done with people and trusting them. The only people I trust now is my boyfriend, CF, siters and some of my friends. I just don't care if you hate me cause I joined back. It's my choice not yours!! I been having bad luck and trouble with life. So STFU and mind your own damn business. I can do whatever I damn please. I'm a siter and proud of it!! THEY ARE MY FAMILY SO SUCK MY ROD!!!

Im so amgry, i could through my phone on concret and break it. I cant fucking use it anyway. My brother stalks my phone from online and comes home to harass me about shit. Its my phone!! I can do shit i want to do. You aint the boss of me. You already ruined my life  anyway so why continue!? HUH?!  You wrecked me by sexual harassing twice in 2 days. I told you no and you still did it. Even trying to get me in bed with you and i walked away saying no. YOUR THE REASON I WANNA MOVE AWAY FAR FROM YOU AS POSSIBLE!!  Sometimes you make me wanna hurt myself. I hate looking at you just to remember what you have done. </3

I hate remembering the past.. Which still haunts me. I'm trying my hardest to gain what I lost. I know what I did in the past was wrong. I'm sorry that I wrecked everything. I would do anything and all I can to gain it back. I would risk my own account on failbook for everyone and my own life in realality. Even when bad things happen, we can get up back on our feet. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Remember those words. Even the song as well if you want. I know I was weak and didn't really defend myself in the past. All that is changed now but I know that proving it would be a hard task but it's worth showing to the greatest people. You guys are and I respect you even if you still hate me or whatever. All I gotta say is prepare you anus Wink

I feel completely worthless right now... Life is so cruel and a pain. Your right love is hard. I feel like I can't trust nobody.. But only a few have my trust. Just torment, hurt me or do whatever the hell you want. I just don't fucking care anymore!! I rather just run away and hide. Nothing is worth it for me. I've tried so many times but my life is a horror movie. I want a fucking knife please

Well i lost everything just now.. friends, family, loved ones.. you get the picture. I just wanna through every electronic at my wall. I camt take this pain any longer. Ill fight until the day i die. FUCK EVERYTHING!!! i aint perfect.. nobody is. We are perfect just the way we are. Special and precious in our own way. Love yourself and youll be fine. Dont worry you have family who has your back.

Sorry if i been posting sad things. I told Quattro what happened today. Its like you tried once and they arent happen on what you do. My bf dumped me over such little things and it upsets me. Like he says im going to kill myself, dont wanna chat or see you again. Thats way over the line of a relationship. I hope your happpy for what you choosen. Im not going back!

Wow just wow.. I have an anime crush on Yami Marik but it doesn't mean you have to get all pissed off about him. He isn't real but sometimes I wish he was. Geez!! I just wanna snuggle up against and cry in his arms. He is so comfy even tho he is evil. We all want to snuggle up against someone. I just want my friends to help me with certain things. YM is mine <3

I just got new appliances today cause our old ones go burn in the fire we had about 2 weeks ago maybe more. I feel depressed and showing a fake smile so no one has to worry about me. Even tho I have a lot of shit going on. Getting sick of people's bullshit and almost loosing my account. I was getting reported for no reason when my ex harassed and bullied me to block him. He also called me a jackass. Really!? I'm angry as can be and didn't really need all that shit to happen. I have plenty of things to worry about so stop making my life hard as it is. I'm sick right now and stressed to my limits. I need help guys!

Posting in journals help if you have issues and to get things out of your system. Well I noticed stuff going on with everyone. I'm very sorry guys but I'll do my parodies so you guys can smile. Well in my life all I hear is people yelling and fighting which is why I have a headache. I'm done with bf issues. Life is just hard and cruel that way but we all know we can fight back to make them better. I wish you all best of luck. If I had my own car I would drive up there to cheer you up personally. I would sing for ya <3
BloodSucking YamiMarik
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Posts : 63
Join date : 2013-09-11
Age : 27
Location : Oblivion

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